Covid-19 & My Normal Stream of Conciousness

Bellaroccaforte/ March 20, 2020/ Just for Fun, Uncategorized

Something y’all should know about me. I’ve been banned from funerals because I turn into a stand up comedienne. It’s what happens to my brain in dire situations. I can’t help it.

I’ve been in isolation for longer than most as I’m considered “high risk” and would rather not die from something that EVERYONE else is dying from, how passé right? I’m thinking I’m going to go out with a knife full of frosting in my mouth and I trip over a dog/kid/pair of shoes/a pile of mystery kid sox that magically appeared/whatever, you get the picture.

How isolation has changed my life – yeah, I can’t go to the gym. That’s pretty much it for me. AND I have my kids at home, which I LOVE. I love having them here and being around them because they are so cool. Other than that, there hasn’t been much of an impact. I buy my staples and paper products at the beginning of every month, so I’m good well into April just based on my normal buying cycles.

But here we go with a list of shit I’ve been thinking about and asking, silently:

Did Italy run out of TP?
If Italy did run out of TP, how are they doing now? I mean we all know they are still asshole deep in this thing, but how clean are the assholes right now?
If I have enough TP to last me through mid-April will supply chains be back to some sort of normal or will all y’all assholes still be panic buying it?
If supply chains normalize by mid-April, should I just get my normal month’s supply, or should I get the whatever = 18 rolls?
While making my coffee yesterday morning I had this though: If supply chains do not normalize by mid-April…Damn, I could use coffee filters for TP. I now have even more love and respect for the coffee filters.
When I shared that little gem of a thought with Fox and Twila we had this exchange:
Fox: “Mom, I don’t want to wipe my butt with coffee grounds.”
Me: “They wouldn’t be USED coffee filters.”
Fox: “Won’t that be gross for your coffee?”
Me: “Gross, no. I wouldn’t then use them as coffee filters.”
Twila: “What are you worried about you don’t wipe your butt anyway.”
Me – thinking to myself: This is why a month’s supply of TP lasts me a month and a half. I should work on this with him…after the crisis.
Fox: “Seems to me I’m superior in this crisis and doing my part to help the ladies in the house.”
Me – thinking to myself: Shit I have to do laundry.
What if people catch on to my coffee filter idea, will there be a shortage? I should keep that shit to myself.
How did I not know that Walmart stopped selling handgun ammo?
What would I do for a Klondike bar? Why do I care? I don’t even like Klondike bars.
If the US does issue checks to everyone, when will this happen, and should I actually accept it since my work hasn’t been effected because I work from home?
Yes, you should totally accept it, you’re a broke ass bitch raising two kids on your own.
Could I turn the room outside my office into a mini gym? Because I need to do something.
How are dumbbells so expensive?
I need to figure out some new workouts.
If I do get my tax return and get a treadmill delivered will I be able to put it together myself?
Would they really close the liquor stores?
What the hell was I thinking four weeks ago when I let Twila talk me into going to Waffle House. Because of course the first fucking case of Covid-19 was a WaHo in my county. I love my WaHo and I’ll see y’all when this is over.
Fuck the toilet paper, do I have enough coffee?
I wonder when people will catch on that there is still PLENTY of fresh fruits and veg available and stop buying shit that’s bad for them like chips and ramen.
Do people in the UK call tortilla chips, tortilla crisps? I need to ask Ava. God dammit, she’s not online. I’ll update you.
UPDATE: we had a very lengthy conversation about tortilla and tortilla chips. They call them tortilla chips. I also learned that mince is just ground beef.
Are they going to cancel all the concerts this summer? I should check the website. Nothing there, I’ll ask Swathi, she knows things. God dammit, she’s not online. UPDATE: she hasn’t heard anything either.
Am I going to get in trouble for a call I had this week? When a customer’s hair for her weave was stolen from her front porch and I said, “somebody snatched your weave?” She didn’t think it was funny, in case you were wondering.
Not that I ever leave my house, but will I freak out when I CAN’T leave my house….nah.
If I did a big google hangout with my facebook friends would they come?
Would the Walmart delivery guy think it was rude if I put a sign on the door that said, leave bags on steps….oooh, I’ll put a smiley face on it, that will make it okay.
Shit, they are out of meat, even the shitty frozen meat my broke ass buys. Eh, we’ll make due.
Why the fuck didn’t I write my flu vaccine conspiracy book that I wanted to write last summer? Fuck.
Why am I writing this blog post instead of working on the book that’s past due.
If I actually get my ex to agree to a settlement, will the judge still sign it now or do I have to wait until this is all over. Stop being selfish, Bella, it’s been four and half years, you’ll make it another few months. Fuck he’s a shit lord.
Why is my dog suddenly constantly under my chair when he always would lay on his couch?
How the hell is my dog so damn cute.
Fuck you Doc, dogs lay, people lie. Boy, truer words have never been spoken.
Does it make me a bad person that I hope all the assholes that aren’t doing the right thing get sick? Fuck it does make me an asshole. Okay universe please protect all the assholes.

So, there’s a little stream of consciousness from Bella. Enjoy.

I’d love to hear some of your questions. Comment below.